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The Womaniser (Case No: 983645)

Defence Attorney:
What is your age?

Little old woman:
I am 86 years old.

Defence Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you on the first of April of this year?

Little old woman:
I was sitting in my swing on the front porch on a warm spring day, when a young man comes creeping up and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little old woman:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defence Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little old woman:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little old woman:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney:
Why not?

Little old woman:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Little old woman:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little old woman:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney:
Why not?

Little old woman:
Why, Your Honour, his rubbing made me feel excited, and I haven't felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Little old woman:
Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him... Take me young man...Take me!

Defence Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little old woman:
Hell no!  He just yelled, April Fool.
And that's when I shot the little bastard.