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A Trip To The Doctors
An 85-year-old man went to his doctors to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave him a jar to take home and said, "Bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day, the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's surgery and gave him the jar, which was totally empty.
The doctor asked what had happened and the man explained, "Well doc, it's like this. First, I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, still nothing."
"Then I asked the wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left. She tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing."
"We even asked Mary, the little old lady living next door. She tried, first with both hands, then an armpit. She even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was totally shocked! "You asked your neighbour to help?"
The old man replied, "Oh yes, but no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the bloody jar open!"