The Nasty Tourist
A group of Americans were touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real dragon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. It's too hot. It's too cold. The food is terrible. The accommodation is awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days, if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."
"We won't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."
"Well now", the guide said, "It is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No Ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."