Have You Ever Wondered Why...
- Why the sun lightens our hair but darkens our skin?
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
- Why you never see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
- Why "abbreviation" is such a long word?
- Why Doctors call what they do a "Practice"?
- Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Microsoft Windows?
- Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
- Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
- Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?
- Who tastes dog food when it has a "New & Improved" flavour?
- Why Noah didn't swat those two darned mosquitoes?
- Why they use a sterilized needle for lethal injections?
- Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
- Why they are called apartments, when they are all stuck together?
- Why they call an airport a "Terminal" if flying is so safe?
And in case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
- On a popular hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn it, that's the only time I have to dry my hair)
- On a bag of Crisps: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(A shoplifter's special)
- On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how?)
- On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion)
- On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late now)
- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought?)
- On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But, wouldn't this save me more time?)
- On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents, if we could get those 5 year olds with head colds to stop driving those dumper trucks)
- On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because?)
- On some brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)
- On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody help me out on this one!)
- On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
- On an Airline's packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Who'd have thought it?)
- On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
(I blame the parents for this one)
- On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening then?)
I hope you smiled at least once, or maybe just chuckled.